Recently I told myself that I will not be engaging with the opposite sex for a number of reasons of which I think are kind-of-sort-of valid. The thing is when I look back at history (which is a very short history because I'm only 20) there has always been a man in my life. Whether he was a boyfriend, a friend, a part-time lover or just a mere crush, there is no denying that there has always been and is a man in my life. Furthermore, my inability to stay in a long-term relationship is not making it any better, but instead just increasing the number of men in my life. Can I just breathe!!
It seems like everyone around me is out to be with someone. The pressure from society to have a significant other is almost unbearable. Nearly all my friends are in serious relationships, one of my close cousins is determined to stay with her current boyfriend and make it last and of course not forgetting my mother who raised me single, has been single all her life (with a lil somebody here and there) but now the idea of dying "alone" doesn't sit so well with her anymore. Just my luck right? When I decide to be single and fabulous, I suddenly have no one to be so with. But all is well, this is yet again a decision I'm making for my own sanity and happiness.
Don't get me wrong, I have no qualm none whatsoever with men. Lord knows I appreciate the Adams in my life. They've all contributed a great deal to the woman that I am to today. I just need my breath of fresh air, spend more time with me and nurture my ever so curious spirit. I want my very own identity to be established. I want to be known as Mary-Anne, a lady in her own right and not Mary-Anne whoever's girlfriend, sidekick, kept woman or something of that sort. I wanna be me, do me and love me for a change.
Can I just Be Alright By Myself for a turnaround?!
As I was preparing for bed last night, very busy and caught up in getting my room clean so that I could get my 8 hour sleep, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My word I saw myself in a whole new light. I saw a very happy woman, glowing all the way from inside. Content with all the she is. I smiled at myself and thought that this has to be the best decision I have made to date. I had started to doubt that maybe this wasn't the right thing to do for a girl who's only 20, but after what I saw in the mirror last night I just knew that I had made the right call to my 'innerness'.
It's been about a week or so having made this decision, and I'm quite pleased with the amount of time I have allocated to doing things that make me smile at the time that I want. Some may say it's too early to say if I'm liking this or not but it's actually quite alright. I don't plan on making this a lifetime thing. Like I said, I'm alright by myself...until further notice.
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