On this path to enlightenment let me not grow weary of the truth
Let my eyes dilate with each of truth's unearthed fossils
Allow my heart to open up and take in all of love's teachings and purge the world's learnings
Let me go all the way, though I pray its an unending road of constant absorption
While darkness will continue to pursue me, let me be repelled by its delusions
Grant my eyes the image of all's true identity and not the facade put on for show
I pray that my soul may always be zealous of what's true
Let the scales fall off of my eyes so I may see the eternal reality
On this path to enlightenment, may my candle bring light to a thousand more candles
Let me be my brother's keeper and make sure he gets onto the path to wisdom
May I always speak the right speech, have the right view and aspiration
Exert the right action, effort and livelihood
And maintain the right mindfulness and concentration
Yes, my day has come for me to blossom, the risk of remaining tight in the bud IS more painful than the risk it takes to blossom
While seeking light, let me be a light
I pray that the workings on my inner and most true self will reflect on this temporary dwelling that is my body
On this path to enlightenment, let me not grow weary of the truth!
Tuesday, 25 February 2014
Monday, 10 February 2014
What If God Were The Sun?
What if God where the sun?
Would we be more conscious of him?
Would we praise him more for a new day, for the flowers that grow and the sun-dried delicacies we enjoy?
If God were the sun, would it lessen, if not diminish, our doubts of his presence?
Would we revere Him more and pray more earnestly?
Would we be more aware of our own actions as we go about?
Would this propel us into the more loving brother’s keepers we ought to be?
Would harming the next person be an unimaginable thought than the unthought-of action that it is now?
We all go about desperately seeking this God that is spoken of every turn we take
Hoping that he would impart in us the peace that this Jesus speaks of.
We beg unto him like he’s the ruthless king of a perishing kingdom.
We plead with him to give us this life that the elders speak of
“refe bophelo”, “sinike impilo” “gee ons a lewe” “give us life”
For years and years we’ve been asking for this life that we clearly don’t know we already have
Protection against the demons we franticly beseech of him again!
But if he were the sun, would we still run berserk about our protection, feeding, shelter and clothing?
Damn skippy we sure wouldn’t, because he’d be right there. He’d know what we need and when we would need it.
Asking would be doubting the Deity of his abilities.
You poor wretch, God IS the sun
He resides within you, and you know it not
You seek him without whereas he’s already within
He provides for all your needs yet you beg from other mortals
He gives rise to a new day though you draw the curtains, wishing your days away and hoping for better ones
He grows the flowers yet you won’t stop for a second just to smell one
He slowly sets your world in motion but you get impatient and seek the fast and easy route to your wants
He awaits therein you, yearning that you would converse with him but you don’t even know he’s there
This magnificent God that is Jesus, Buddha, Muhammad, Krishna, Yahweh and all that is Supreme delights in your company.
But because you are too busy trying to box him into the kind of God that you want, you miss on intimate moments with him
Whether it’s in a temple, church, synagogue or tent, he delights in your praise and worship always
He’s too big to be contained, everywhere and here all at the same time
But if he were the sun, that would mean he couldn’t stay around forever
Sunset would steal from our joy and the night our sworn enemy
Therefore I say let’s first grasp the magnitude of the “idea” of God before we can objectify him
Although…in your knowledge and growing wisdom, you will know that God IS the sun
Night time and cloudy days are but patrons in his unnumbered days
Infinite, immeasurable, everlasting, inexhaustible, light-years away but here
God Is The Sun
Would we be more conscious of him?
Would we praise him more for a new day, for the flowers that grow and the sun-dried delicacies we enjoy?
If God were the sun, would it lessen, if not diminish, our doubts of his presence?
Would we revere Him more and pray more earnestly?
Would we be more aware of our own actions as we go about?
Would this propel us into the more loving brother’s keepers we ought to be?
Would harming the next person be an unimaginable thought than the unthought-of action that it is now?
We all go about desperately seeking this God that is spoken of every turn we take
Hoping that he would impart in us the peace that this Jesus speaks of.
We beg unto him like he’s the ruthless king of a perishing kingdom.
We plead with him to give us this life that the elders speak of
“refe bophelo”, “sinike impilo” “gee ons a lewe” “give us life”
For years and years we’ve been asking for this life that we clearly don’t know we already have
Protection against the demons we franticly beseech of him again!
But if he were the sun, would we still run berserk about our protection, feeding, shelter and clothing?
Damn skippy we sure wouldn’t, because he’d be right there. He’d know what we need and when we would need it.
Asking would be doubting the Deity of his abilities.
You poor wretch, God IS the sun
He resides within you, and you know it not
You seek him without whereas he’s already within
He provides for all your needs yet you beg from other mortals
He gives rise to a new day though you draw the curtains, wishing your days away and hoping for better ones
He grows the flowers yet you won’t stop for a second just to smell one
He slowly sets your world in motion but you get impatient and seek the fast and easy route to your wants
He awaits therein you, yearning that you would converse with him but you don’t even know he’s there
This magnificent God that is Jesus, Buddha, Muhammad, Krishna, Yahweh and all that is Supreme delights in your company.
But because you are too busy trying to box him into the kind of God that you want, you miss on intimate moments with him
Whether it’s in a temple, church, synagogue or tent, he delights in your praise and worship always
He’s too big to be contained, everywhere and here all at the same time
But if he were the sun, that would mean he couldn’t stay around forever
Sunset would steal from our joy and the night our sworn enemy
Therefore I say let’s first grasp the magnitude of the “idea” of God before we can objectify him
Although…in your knowledge and growing wisdom, you will know that God IS the sun
Night time and cloudy days are but patrons in his unnumbered days
Infinite, immeasurable, everlasting, inexhaustible, light-years away but here
God Is The Sun
Thursday, 6 February 2014
Joy Has Arrived
Joy, in all her beauty, honesty and purity has arrived. Behold, her majesty arrives in her chariot of white horses.
Purity is her core essence! When she arrives at the gateway of your heart, lift up your gates. Be ye lifted up! Ye everlasting doors. Your Majesty is finally here. My heart is besides itself with shock at the sight of Joy's shadow as it precedes her into my heart.
Who am deserving of her royal arrival? Momentary happiness that lasts no longer than the person who brought it around leaves, is what I'm accustomed to.
"You sure you at the right heart?" I nervously asked her. And with all the nonchalance that only Joy can forge, she does a 360 in my hearts' main hall and gaily answers "well I sure am Mary-Anne and it looks like this place could do with a whole lot of sunshine. Open up the curtains along with the windows and you better get used to it coz I'm here to stay missy!"
Well I'd be damned!! Joy knows my name?! This feeling that belongs only to those that have achieved balance and all is dandy in their lives has come to inhabit my dark and frigid heart?!
Might I add how her Highness never travels alone? With her are her eternal compeers Peace and Contentment.
She arrives at a time that I barely expected. The most welcome unannounced guest!
Joy beckoned my soul to open up and let her be. And my soul being the receptive eternal being that it is, opened up like a blossoming lotus flower with each petal reaching as far out as it can to get all the sunshine that Joy exuberates.
My soul opened up and sank its claws and canines into Joy's banquet of all that she is.
Oh my dearest Joy, I didn't see you coming, I wasn't expecting you. But I'm grateful that you are here, right here in my heart where I can embrace you whenever I want to. I understand that you can't stay eternally and this I have accepted as part of the inherent duality of life. But for as long as you're here I will adore you, even when you have departed I still will hold you dear to me. Until this moment, I was yet to experience your blissful presence. And because now I know that you're truly real and know my heart's address, I refuse to accept all that emulates you and make a mockery of your abounding aura.
Joy Has Arrived!!
Purity is her core essence! When she arrives at the gateway of your heart, lift up your gates. Be ye lifted up! Ye everlasting doors. Your Majesty is finally here. My heart is besides itself with shock at the sight of Joy's shadow as it precedes her into my heart.
Who am deserving of her royal arrival? Momentary happiness that lasts no longer than the person who brought it around leaves, is what I'm accustomed to.
"You sure you at the right heart?" I nervously asked her. And with all the nonchalance that only Joy can forge, she does a 360 in my hearts' main hall and gaily answers "well I sure am Mary-Anne and it looks like this place could do with a whole lot of sunshine. Open up the curtains along with the windows and you better get used to it coz I'm here to stay missy!"
Well I'd be damned!! Joy knows my name?! This feeling that belongs only to those that have achieved balance and all is dandy in their lives has come to inhabit my dark and frigid heart?!
Might I add how her Highness never travels alone? With her are her eternal compeers Peace and Contentment.
She arrives at a time that I barely expected. The most welcome unannounced guest!
Joy beckoned my soul to open up and let her be. And my soul being the receptive eternal being that it is, opened up like a blossoming lotus flower with each petal reaching as far out as it can to get all the sunshine that Joy exuberates.
My soul opened up and sank its claws and canines into Joy's banquet of all that she is.
Oh my dearest Joy, I didn't see you coming, I wasn't expecting you. But I'm grateful that you are here, right here in my heart where I can embrace you whenever I want to. I understand that you can't stay eternally and this I have accepted as part of the inherent duality of life. But for as long as you're here I will adore you, even when you have departed I still will hold you dear to me. Until this moment, I was yet to experience your blissful presence. And because now I know that you're truly real and know my heart's address, I refuse to accept all that emulates you and make a mockery of your abounding aura.
Joy Has Arrived!!
Saturday, 7 September 2013
The Colours of My Soul
Paint me with the colours of my soul, I am not this skin. I am the soul that lives within. As colourful as the rainbow with the calm of the blue Greece oceans which are only a reflection of the the sky I am told. Higher above this sky I beleive therein lies the Heavens, where my Omnipresent Maker sits on His throne. Paint me with the colours of my soul I said, these ought to be rare colours for I am the epitome of rare. Love me, hate me or feel nothing at all towards me but honey my existance will not go unnoticed.
Monday, 19 August 2013
Its All A Dream...No Its not! Ok I Don't Know
"Snap out of it" that's my daily fix. I can't go a day without saying it of late. I feel like everything is a dream. Me sitting here in front of this PC is as real as it gets but somewhere in the back of my mind I'm having a conversation about how this is a dream and I'm gon wake up in just a bit.
When I google diagnose myself its called depersonalisation. What the heck is that?! I feel like I'm losing my marbles..how many did I have to start with. Good gosh, where do we keep these marbles in the first place for us to start noticing that we're losing them :/ Somebody point me to my marble jar and to he who has all their marbles so I can do reference stock taking.
No seriously though, I'm having the time of my life where I'm at. I'm finally free and doing what makes me happy, answering to no one but the Almighty Himself. Why would such a thing creep up on me like that?! Can I live?! Can I be at a place where the normal operation of my psyche is not threatened by such a "disorder".
Alas my beautiful mind, you are free. Worry not about anyone nor anything else depriving you of your happiness. You have set yourself free from the chains of society where "normal" is celebrated and weird is frowned upon. In fact thou art not weird, thou art different and that is no different from being absolutely awesome. So relax...allow your mind to dance to the unending song of freedom. A free mind, body and soul. You know that is your ultimate dream, to be smack dab at the centre of liberty's party. Take off your clothes and feel the music through your skin. Let your brazen self show off her moves because the whole world ought to see all this. Mick Jagger ain't got nothing on you child, move...move, dammit move to the rhythm of the beat. Listen to that, look around, do you see that? Do you taste that? Its different right? Honey boo that's called freedom and you better get used to it. You are not dreaming because this is as real as it gets. Get used to it.
When I google diagnose myself its called depersonalisation. What the heck is that?! I feel like I'm losing my marbles..how many did I have to start with. Good gosh, where do we keep these marbles in the first place for us to start noticing that we're losing them :/ Somebody point me to my marble jar and to he who has all their marbles so I can do reference stock taking.
No seriously though, I'm having the time of my life where I'm at. I'm finally free and doing what makes me happy, answering to no one but the Almighty Himself. Why would such a thing creep up on me like that?! Can I live?! Can I be at a place where the normal operation of my psyche is not threatened by such a "disorder".
Alas my beautiful mind, you are free. Worry not about anyone nor anything else depriving you of your happiness. You have set yourself free from the chains of society where "normal" is celebrated and weird is frowned upon. In fact thou art not weird, thou art different and that is no different from being absolutely awesome. So relax...allow your mind to dance to the unending song of freedom. A free mind, body and soul. You know that is your ultimate dream, to be smack dab at the centre of liberty's party. Take off your clothes and feel the music through your skin. Let your brazen self show off her moves because the whole world ought to see all this. Mick Jagger ain't got nothing on you child, move...move, dammit move to the rhythm of the beat. Listen to that, look around, do you see that? Do you taste that? Its different right? Honey boo that's called freedom and you better get used to it. You are not dreaming because this is as real as it gets. Get used to it.
Monday, 22 April 2013
My Baggage My Luggage My Issues...MY STUFF!!
So I been spending some time with my thoughts. Aren't I always in my thoughts thou?! But I mean really diggin into that grey matter. Digging, searching, and finding all of my junk. No, not finding the sweater I thought my friend stole, searching for my hair pins nor digging through a trunk full of old shoes. I'm talking about searching through all of my stuff, my emotional stuff. Reasons why I act in a certain manner and always react in a certain way to similar situations. From the outside in it just looks like I'm one helluva messed up girl, but its all just an 'acting out' of whats going on on the inside.
Having to literally sit and go through my past experiences and what I felt at the occurence of the happenings wasn't an easy thing to do but it had to be done if I wanted to change where I was at the time. No not geographical location but where I'm at mentally. Where are my thoughts and whats the general make up of my emotional intelligence. Am I where I think I ought to be at this point in time in my life?
And what came of my 'session' is that I'm made up of all my 'stuff'. Past hurts, anger, let downs, dissapointemts and all other junk. One can never run away from their experiences, once in a while we'll lie to ourselves and say "such and such a situation does not define me".
In my case that has all been a carpet pulled over a ticking bomb, a bomb threateing to destroy my very being. Truth is I am my stuff, its mine though and excuse me if it seems like I'm tryna lay all that is me on you, its just so heavy but it is my stuff. Thinking of it in that manner made me go back to Ntozake Shange's work, oh how I love this woman work. He thoughts, the way she relays her happenings in such a real way is beautiful. Even though me and her haven't been throught the same shit I just understand her and connect with her work. It must be a libra woman thing, or better yet an October 18 thing that we have hahahaha.
Here is one of her offerings to colored girls without a rainbow.
somebody almost walked off wid alla my stuff not my poems or a dance i gave up in the street but somebody almost walked off wid alla my stuff
Having to literally sit and go through my past experiences and what I felt at the occurence of the happenings wasn't an easy thing to do but it had to be done if I wanted to change where I was at the time. No not geographical location but where I'm at mentally. Where are my thoughts and whats the general make up of my emotional intelligence. Am I where I think I ought to be at this point in time in my life?
And what came of my 'session' is that I'm made up of all my 'stuff'. Past hurts, anger, let downs, dissapointemts and all other junk. One can never run away from their experiences, once in a while we'll lie to ourselves and say "such and such a situation does not define me".
In my case that has all been a carpet pulled over a ticking bomb, a bomb threateing to destroy my very being. Truth is I am my stuff, its mine though and excuse me if it seems like I'm tryna lay all that is me on you, its just so heavy but it is my stuff. Thinking of it in that manner made me go back to Ntozake Shange's work, oh how I love this woman work. He thoughts, the way she relays her happenings in such a real way is beautiful. Even though me and her haven't been throught the same shit I just understand her and connect with her work. It must be a libra woman thing, or better yet an October 18 thing that we have hahahaha.
Here is one of her offerings to colored girls without a rainbow.
somebody almost walked off wid alla my stuff not my poems or a dance i gave up in the street but somebody almost walked off wid alla my stuff
like a kleptomaniac workin hard & forgettin while stealin this is mine/this aint yr stuff/ now why don’t you put me back & let me hang out in my own self
somebody almost walked off wit alla my stuff ; didn’t care enuf to send a note home sayin i was late for my solo conversation or two sizes to small for my own tacky skirts
what can anybody do wit somethin of no value on a open market/ did you getta dime for my things/ hey man/ where are you goin wid alla my stuff/ to ohh & ahh abt/ daddy/ i gotta mainline number from my own shit/ now wontcha put me back/ & let me play this duet/ wit silver ring in my nose/ honest to god/
somebody almost run off wit alla my stuff/ & i didnt bring anythin but the kick & sway of it the perfect ass for my man & none of it is theirs this is mine/ ntozake ‘her own things’/ that’s my name now give me my stuff/ i see ya hidin my laugh/ & how i s it wif my legs open sometimes/ to give me some sunlight/ & there goes my love my toes my chewed up finger nails/ niggah/ wif the curls in yr hair/ mr. louisiana hot link/
i want my stuff back/ my rhythms & my voice/ open my mouth/ & let me talk ya outta/ throwin my shit in the sewar/ this is some delicate leg & whimsical kiss/ i gotta have to give to my choice/ without you runnin off wit alla my shit/ now you cant have me less i give me away/ i waz doin all that/ til ya run off on a good thing/
who is this you left me wit/ some simple bitch widda bad attitude/ i wants my things/ i want my arm wit the hot iron scar/ & my leg wit the flea bite/ i want my calloused feet & quik language back in my mouth/ fried plantains/ pineapple pear juice/ sun-ra & joseph & jules/ i want my own things/ how i lived them/ & give me my memories/ how i waz when i waz there/ you cant have them or do nothin wit them/
stealin my shit from me/ dont make it yrs/ makes it stolen/ somebody almost run off wit alla my stuff/ & i waz standin there/ lookin at myself/ the whole time & it waznt a spirit took my stuff/ waz a man whose ego walked round like Rodan’s shadow/ waz a man faster n my innocence/
waz a lover/ i made too much room for/ almost run off wit alla my stuff/ & i didnt know i’d give it up so quik/ & the one runnin wit it/ don’t know he got it/ & i’m shoutin this is mine/ & he dont know he got it/ my stuff is the anonymous ripped off treasure of the year/
did you know somebody almost got away wit me/ me in a plastic bag under their arm/ me danglin on a string of personal carelessness/ i’m spattered wit mud & city rain/ & no i didnt get a chance to take a douche/ hey man/ this is not your prerogative/ i gotta have me in my pocket/ to get round like a good woman shd/ & make the poem in the pot or the chicken in the dance/
what i got to do/ i gotta get my stuff to do it to/ why dont ya find yr own things/ & leave this package of me for my destiny/ what ya got to get from me/ i’ll give it to ya/ yeh/ i’ll give it to ya/ round 5:00 in the winter/ when the sky is blue-red/ & Dew City is gettin pressed/ if it’s really my stuff/ ya gotta give it to me/ if ya really want it/ i’m the only one/ can handle it
-----By: Ntozake Shange.
Wednesday, 6 March 2013
My Grand Epiphany
Because I know better, I ought to do better. This constant revoking of my feelings, thoughts and overall opinion in order to spare the next person their feelings has proven to be a very toxic habitude, My apparent need to make and try to keep everyone happy has done nothing for me but rip me off of the happiness I was so desperately needing to give out. But with this realization that I'm not to be held accountable for anyone's happiness but my own, I feel a whole lot lighter. One might say "well uhm who appointed you as the happiness giver", and this would be a fair question. Obviously there is no appointment for such, but me being the kind of person that I am, I always feel like he who is around me should have nothing but a smile on their face. Its just something that I love, seeing smiles on people's faces.
And so with me being the kind of person that spares peoples emotions, its only inevitable that I end up in situations, relationships and with things that I no longer need in my life. I'm left with all this emotional junk that I didn't even know I had. That's what happens with wimps, you get stuck with a whole lot of clutter that you don't even know how to get rid of because its far too much. Where do you dump it? How do you even begin to unpack all the rumble?? I don't have the answers to all of that but this morning I realized that God has them. I'm not one to speak to another person about my feelings and all that 'stuff', I've never been able to do that. Its only in the presence of God that I'm able to pour it all out, coz He gets me. And so it was in his oh so awesome presence that I came to this great epiphany. I hold myself responsible for a lot of things that I don't need to which in turn makes me too damn apologetic. A weakling really in totality. But I am done. As off this morning I made the conscious decision to walk away from anything and everything that I've unnecessarily been binding myself to. Robert Tew said it best- "Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you or makes you happy." And for me this includes friendships, relationships and commitments I've put myself in.
If it rips me off of my sanity and happiness then I'm through with it. If my reasons for doing something are no longer clear and sensible to be now then best believe I AM through. This is a long overdue realization but I'm glad it happened now because had it happened a year ago I bet I would've somehow talked myself into staying in a hot mess. I know I'm good at that.
But now that I know better, am grown, more understanding and aware of the need to put my psychological needs first, I'm glad that I will do better. With all the unnecessary relations and friendships out the way, I can now focus my energies on those that I revere. Grateful!!
And so with me being the kind of person that spares peoples emotions, its only inevitable that I end up in situations, relationships and with things that I no longer need in my life. I'm left with all this emotional junk that I didn't even know I had. That's what happens with wimps, you get stuck with a whole lot of clutter that you don't even know how to get rid of because its far too much. Where do you dump it? How do you even begin to unpack all the rumble?? I don't have the answers to all of that but this morning I realized that God has them. I'm not one to speak to another person about my feelings and all that 'stuff', I've never been able to do that. Its only in the presence of God that I'm able to pour it all out, coz He gets me. And so it was in his oh so awesome presence that I came to this great epiphany. I hold myself responsible for a lot of things that I don't need to which in turn makes me too damn apologetic. A weakling really in totality. But I am done. As off this morning I made the conscious decision to walk away from anything and everything that I've unnecessarily been binding myself to. Robert Tew said it best- "Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you or makes you happy." And for me this includes friendships, relationships and commitments I've put myself in.
If it rips me off of my sanity and happiness then I'm through with it. If my reasons for doing something are no longer clear and sensible to be now then best believe I AM through. This is a long overdue realization but I'm glad it happened now because had it happened a year ago I bet I would've somehow talked myself into staying in a hot mess. I know I'm good at that.
But now that I know better, am grown, more understanding and aware of the need to put my psychological needs first, I'm glad that I will do better. With all the unnecessary relations and friendships out the way, I can now focus my energies on those that I revere. Grateful!!
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