I must say there's nothing like a long good rest at home right before you kick off your semester with the determination you planned on having.
After quite a resful three and a half weeks at home, I'm back on campus and ready to kick off the semester with a bang. I'm refreshed and ready to take on the rest of the year. I didn't do as well as I thought I would have done BUT I did it anyway.
Ready to give it my all this time around. Gonna kick ass :)
LEGGGOOOO!!
Wednesday, 18 July 2012
Wednesday, 6 June 2012
I'm No Fighter, Love Is All I Got
I'm a very polite person, or so I'd like to think. I'm not one to pick a fight or start an argument. In fact my abilities to sustain a strong argument are very weak. Unless its a healthy debate of course. I'm always keen for those, ones that will enrich my mind and impart some sort of knowledge in me. But honey child best believe that futile arguments are not welcome in Mary-Anne Ville.
I'm a lover of peace and if I could I'd throw happy dust over everyone just so we all get along and all is kosher whenever we engage in conversation. But sadly I've noticed that my love for peace and happiness has come to be taken as some sort of personality defect. As if I'm unable to function properly in today's society. Well I'm sorry I don't take a liking to being bitchy and mean. What good reason do I have to make anyone feel uncomfortable or as if they don't fit in this world. Honey I was put on planet earth to share all the love I could, share my joy, learn from others and simply be as amazing as I can ever imagine myself to be.
People tend to walk all over me because of my meek character. I find it quite disturbing when someone wrongs another and they show no remorse for their actions simply because that person didn't have the "backbone" to bring it up that they've wronged them. Really?! Seriously?! But anyway I won't sit here and question people's intentions for their actions, everyone is responsible for what they do and know exactly what they're doing.
The point I'm trying to bring across is that society tends to expect everyone to be vicious and always ready for a fight. Some of us are lovers and not fighters at all. Soft-spoken people are taken for weaklings and are an invite to the bold characters to pick a fight. Can those with a chip on their shoulders calm a bit down and breathe though?!
Love is for the giving, life for the living and joy for sharing. And trust me I got enough to go around for those who lack and feel that frustrations should be taken out on the "easy targets". Planet earth belongs to us all, lets share it pumpkins and stop being bossy. Its not cute.
I'm a lover of peace and if I could I'd throw happy dust over everyone just so we all get along and all is kosher whenever we engage in conversation. But sadly I've noticed that my love for peace and happiness has come to be taken as some sort of personality defect. As if I'm unable to function properly in today's society. Well I'm sorry I don't take a liking to being bitchy and mean. What good reason do I have to make anyone feel uncomfortable or as if they don't fit in this world. Honey I was put on planet earth to share all the love I could, share my joy, learn from others and simply be as amazing as I can ever imagine myself to be.
People tend to walk all over me because of my meek character. I find it quite disturbing when someone wrongs another and they show no remorse for their actions simply because that person didn't have the "backbone" to bring it up that they've wronged them. Really?! Seriously?! But anyway I won't sit here and question people's intentions for their actions, everyone is responsible for what they do and know exactly what they're doing.
The point I'm trying to bring across is that society tends to expect everyone to be vicious and always ready for a fight. Some of us are lovers and not fighters at all. Soft-spoken people are taken for weaklings and are an invite to the bold characters to pick a fight. Can those with a chip on their shoulders calm a bit down and breathe though?!
Love is for the giving, life for the living and joy for sharing. And trust me I got enough to go around for those who lack and feel that frustrations should be taken out on the "easy targets". Planet earth belongs to us all, lets share it pumpkins and stop being bossy. Its not cute.
Thursday, 24 May 2012
A Thousand Splendid Suns Indeed
So after almost a whole year of trying to get my hands on a copy of A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini from my campus library, because its always out, I finally did and maaan I gotta say it was worth the wait.
I first heard about the book on a local talk show, some ladies who are in a book club had just read it and where giving their views on the book. At that point I only wanted to read it because people belonging to a book club had read it and I thought that it must be brilliant since they even came to a talk show to talk about their latest read. I went on to search for the book at my library, and goodness me the back flips that my heart did when the system showed that my campus had the book!! But sadly it was out. I didn't care if it were out then, all that mattered was that we had it and I could soon get my hands on it, but little did I know what a long wait it would be.
But anyway, despite the long wait, I finally managed to get my hands on a copy and it felt like I was being reconnected with a long lost friend after years and years of searching. I remember smiling all the way home with that book in my bag. I simply could not wait to get home and read it.
What a beautiful composition of words lie in the pages of A Thousand Splendid Suns. Within the first few pages of reading I had already fallen in love with Hossein's style of writing. The way he so simply allows you to learn the language of the Afghans. He lets the reader connect the dots, doesn't give off too much information so as to spoil the story. I found that quite intriguing. I also fell in love with Miriam, one of the leading characters. She has got such a sad story, one that is apparently like many other Afghan women. It pains me to think that girls as young as 14 have to bare the burdens that old and matured women bare. Women who have lived and gathered enough wisdom in their years to face a tough life. What's more saddening is the fact that they don't have a say in the matter. Your personality, dreams and hopes are all shattered when your parents decide that you are ready to be married off.
Khaled tells the story of Meriam and Leila like only an insider would reveal the happenings of a secret society. He lets us in on the pain and suffering that these two women go through in their sudden change of life. He also shares their love and laughter as well. I being the emotional reader that I am, felt so connected to the characters. I could not contain my tears when Laila had to leave Aziza at the orphanage. That was such an extremely sad scene. I felt like I was both Aziza and Laila. Like Aziza because I know what it feels like to part with your mom and not knowing when you're going to see her again and with Laila I could just imagine how hard it must be having to appear strong in front of your daughter when you know very well that inside you're dying. Such pillars of strength women are.
But to say the least without giving away too much of the book I suggest you get yourself acquainted with the book. Its brilliant. I absolutely loved reading every bit of it. When I turned the page to read the last bit of writing it felt like those last few moments you spend with your bestfriend just before she's about to leave for another country *sob sob*. What I parted with from this book was that indeed we go through storms which at that time seem like they're never going to end BUT there are a thousand splendid suns that are yet to shine upon us :)
I first heard about the book on a local talk show, some ladies who are in a book club had just read it and where giving their views on the book. At that point I only wanted to read it because people belonging to a book club had read it and I thought that it must be brilliant since they even came to a talk show to talk about their latest read. I went on to search for the book at my library, and goodness me the back flips that my heart did when the system showed that my campus had the book!! But sadly it was out. I didn't care if it were out then, all that mattered was that we had it and I could soon get my hands on it, but little did I know what a long wait it would be.
But anyway, despite the long wait, I finally managed to get my hands on a copy and it felt like I was being reconnected with a long lost friend after years and years of searching. I remember smiling all the way home with that book in my bag. I simply could not wait to get home and read it.
What a beautiful composition of words lie in the pages of A Thousand Splendid Suns. Within the first few pages of reading I had already fallen in love with Hossein's style of writing. The way he so simply allows you to learn the language of the Afghans. He lets the reader connect the dots, doesn't give off too much information so as to spoil the story. I found that quite intriguing. I also fell in love with Miriam, one of the leading characters. She has got such a sad story, one that is apparently like many other Afghan women. It pains me to think that girls as young as 14 have to bare the burdens that old and matured women bare. Women who have lived and gathered enough wisdom in their years to face a tough life. What's more saddening is the fact that they don't have a say in the matter. Your personality, dreams and hopes are all shattered when your parents decide that you are ready to be married off.
Khaled tells the story of Meriam and Leila like only an insider would reveal the happenings of a secret society. He lets us in on the pain and suffering that these two women go through in their sudden change of life. He also shares their love and laughter as well. I being the emotional reader that I am, felt so connected to the characters. I could not contain my tears when Laila had to leave Aziza at the orphanage. That was such an extremely sad scene. I felt like I was both Aziza and Laila. Like Aziza because I know what it feels like to part with your mom and not knowing when you're going to see her again and with Laila I could just imagine how hard it must be having to appear strong in front of your daughter when you know very well that inside you're dying. Such pillars of strength women are.
But to say the least without giving away too much of the book I suggest you get yourself acquainted with the book. Its brilliant. I absolutely loved reading every bit of it. When I turned the page to read the last bit of writing it felt like those last few moments you spend with your bestfriend just before she's about to leave for another country *sob sob*. What I parted with from this book was that indeed we go through storms which at that time seem like they're never going to end BUT there are a thousand splendid suns that are yet to shine upon us :)
Wednesday, 16 May 2012
My Lust & Aversion For Life
Life, the very thing that we ought to appreciate, love, grasp with the tightest hold but yet somehow manoeuvre through with utmost ease and care because it can be so fragile and slip away on your guard. This beautiful life, the very one and only one you're given has a very funny way of just switching up on you and leave you with you with hands over head and jaw right at your feet. Or is it us that change towards life? You can just never be certain of anything while you're still on this life. The one minute you think you're at the peak of it and all is swell but the next thing you are rock bottom and everything is spinning out of control, and THAT is where I just lose my mind.
I'm not one who is fascinated by power, the 'exhilarating feeling of knowing YOU are in control' as those who love it explain it. It just doesn't excite me as much. Yeah sure I'd like to think I have some control over things such as my studies, finances, love life and the like. I say some control because there are just so many factors to one area in my life. My studies for example, yes I'm responsible and have control over things such as making sure I have the study material and I study but I have no control over events that lead up to me being unable to study for one. I don't have control over me falling sick and therefore rendering me unable to study for my test, or in my attempt to study I do grasp the information but then being unable to produce it on paper because of some mental block that was caused by the sickens. I'm just saying you know, just throwing it out there. There are way too many things that can cause a person to lose control of things they thought they had control over.
But anyway back to my point, power doesn't excite me but I'm a huge fan of consistency. I cannot take it when things are a gigantic twirl of a non-stop roallercoaster. Some may say this is the beauty of it all but OMG it irks me to the core. I like knowing that 'ok right now we are in a bit of a tussle with life, just keep pushing' and then later on 'right now we are entering a very pleasurable state of mind and all is well'. Kinda like when you're in a plane or bus; "there is anticipated turbulence ahead, please stay seated fasten your safety belts and remain calm", "the cabin crew will be coming around in about twenty minutes time to offer you a light snack and beverage,until then, sit back, relax and enjoy the rest of the flight". I dunno man, something of that sort, you are warned the good and bad. For the sake of one's sanity is what its all about to me.
The only constant thing right now is the inconsistency of my life right now. The one minute I'm happy, all is fine and dandy and the next I just want to crawl into the next rabbit hole and stay there until whatever I'll be going through passes. Endurance is what I lack a friend of mine once said but I beg to differ. Endure craziness?! Endure the mess of a life that you're living?! Well I think not!! If there are people out there who are living in a dream each day, no problems none whatsoever, with exceptions of inevitable ones of which you are aware of, then honey I want that sweet life too. Too dreamy a state of mind I thought to myself the other day but I came back to my senses and assured myself that it honestly is attainable.
This madness called life sometimes makes me feel like I'm bipolar at times. I resent how I would be yearning to go out and just live. Just BE, see the world, spend time with loved ones, read, write, listen to all the beautiful music in the world and then I swear its like someone would say ' hold up lil Missy, who do you think you are, deserving of all this joy you dream about?!' and then they would slap me with a problem that would then send me in some sort of dizzy spell and my world comes crumbling down. Uuuurgggg!!! Totally hate that!
I refuse to let my thirst for life be quenched with unwelcomed obstacles. Can a sister just live though?! GOODNESS!!
I'm not one who is fascinated by power, the 'exhilarating feeling of knowing YOU are in control' as those who love it explain it. It just doesn't excite me as much. Yeah sure I'd like to think I have some control over things such as my studies, finances, love life and the like. I say some control because there are just so many factors to one area in my life. My studies for example, yes I'm responsible and have control over things such as making sure I have the study material and I study but I have no control over events that lead up to me being unable to study for one. I don't have control over me falling sick and therefore rendering me unable to study for my test, or in my attempt to study I do grasp the information but then being unable to produce it on paper because of some mental block that was caused by the sickens. I'm just saying you know, just throwing it out there. There are way too many things that can cause a person to lose control of things they thought they had control over.
But anyway back to my point, power doesn't excite me but I'm a huge fan of consistency. I cannot take it when things are a gigantic twirl of a non-stop roallercoaster. Some may say this is the beauty of it all but OMG it irks me to the core. I like knowing that 'ok right now we are in a bit of a tussle with life, just keep pushing' and then later on 'right now we are entering a very pleasurable state of mind and all is well'. Kinda like when you're in a plane or bus; "there is anticipated turbulence ahead, please stay seated fasten your safety belts and remain calm", "the cabin crew will be coming around in about twenty minutes time to offer you a light snack and beverage,until then, sit back, relax and enjoy the rest of the flight". I dunno man, something of that sort, you are warned the good and bad. For the sake of one's sanity is what its all about to me.
The only constant thing right now is the inconsistency of my life right now. The one minute I'm happy, all is fine and dandy and the next I just want to crawl into the next rabbit hole and stay there until whatever I'll be going through passes. Endurance is what I lack a friend of mine once said but I beg to differ. Endure craziness?! Endure the mess of a life that you're living?! Well I think not!! If there are people out there who are living in a dream each day, no problems none whatsoever, with exceptions of inevitable ones of which you are aware of, then honey I want that sweet life too. Too dreamy a state of mind I thought to myself the other day but I came back to my senses and assured myself that it honestly is attainable.
This madness called life sometimes makes me feel like I'm bipolar at times. I resent how I would be yearning to go out and just live. Just BE, see the world, spend time with loved ones, read, write, listen to all the beautiful music in the world and then I swear its like someone would say ' hold up lil Missy, who do you think you are, deserving of all this joy you dream about?!' and then they would slap me with a problem that would then send me in some sort of dizzy spell and my world comes crumbling down. Uuuurgggg!!! Totally hate that!
I refuse to let my thirst for life be quenched with unwelcomed obstacles. Can a sister just live though?! GOODNESS!!
Tuesday, 15 May 2012
Long Time No Blog
Woow, it has been too long a minute since I checked out my blog or just written anything!! Oh how I surely did miss the thrill that comes with sitting in front of the pc screen and pour out my thoughts onto these willing keyboard buttons *sigh*.
A good 7 months it has been I must say and oh soooo much has happened. What in the world was I thinking abandoning my online diary like that?! It is totally and completely unacceptable. I vow to blog so much it turn into a habbit from now on. Ok I must admit that sounds a bit geeky and lifeless but I shall do it nonetheless. For my sanity and just to keep it as a way for me to introspect. No matter how good or how bad life gets, I promise to never disown my blog, well for at least such a long period of time.This is my sanctuary, my place of relief and just pouring it all out without sifting anything. Just all bare, naked and RAW!!! *raawwwrrrr*
But where shall I start though? So much has happened...
A good 7 months it has been I must say and oh soooo much has happened. What in the world was I thinking abandoning my online diary like that?! It is totally and completely unacceptable. I vow to blog so much it turn into a habbit from now on. Ok I must admit that sounds a bit geeky and lifeless but I shall do it nonetheless. For my sanity and just to keep it as a way for me to introspect. No matter how good or how bad life gets, I promise to never disown my blog, well for at least such a long period of time.This is my sanctuary, my place of relief and just pouring it all out without sifting anything. Just all bare, naked and RAW!!! *raawwwrrrr*
But where shall I start though? So much has happened...
Friday, 23 September 2011
I Am More Than My Curves
It has come to my attention that my curves have come to be a huge part of my identity. The boys and men identify me with them. This is something I find rather weird because I know and have seen women with much bigger curves. Without even going far, my mother is one of them, a very curvy woman this. But I didn't take much from her because I don a very petite frame (I'm a size 8/32 on the bottom and a 10/34 up top) compared to my other voluptuous black sisters.
I wonder if I would know the people I know if t wasn't for my curves. Would I be loved in the same way if it weren't for my curves? Would that guy that claimed to have wanted me so bad still have wanted me if I didn't have my curves? Would I walk with the same spring in my step if I didn't have my curves?
There is more to me than my curves! Why do you fail to see past my curves? Do I myself fail to see past my curves?
I saw this painting today as I was browsing on the net.
I wonder if I would know the people I know if t wasn't for my curves. Would I be loved in the same way if it weren't for my curves? Would that guy that claimed to have wanted me so bad still have wanted me if I didn't have my curves? Would I walk with the same spring in my step if I didn't have my curves?
There is more to me than my curves! Why do you fail to see past my curves? Do I myself fail to see past my curves?
I saw this painting today as I was browsing on the net.
 |
| African Dancers by Upjohn |
This painting reminded me of Jill Scott's poem 'Womanifesto':
Clearly I am not a fat ass
I am active brain
and lip smacking peach deep
sometimes too aggressive in its honesty
and heart sweet
that loves wholly and completely
whom it may choose
whom ever it may choose
I am not gonna lie and pacify
I am arms to hold
I am lips to speak
I am a motherfucking "G"
Strong legs that stroll off the 33 bus
or out of a money green Phantom comfortably
Knees that bend to pray
clean from Ajax washings
hair that is thick and soft
Thighs that be-twixt
an amazing all expense grand prize
I am eyes that sing
smile that brightens
touch that rings
and supplies euphoric release
I am a Grand Dame Queen Beast
I am warm
I am peace
From the roads of Botswana from 23rd Street
From the inside third eye
ever watching this wicked wicked system of things
I do see
I am friend to pen
and a lover of strong women
A Diamond to men
I am curious and interested like children
I welcome the wise to teach
appreciator of my culture
Thick not just from bone dense and eat
I have a rhythm in my ways
and a practice in my seek
and yes I do crave the rhythm of my space
with a man that rejoices in God's Grace
with faith I do hear to listen
two hands that fist
when forced pushes to shove
and your ego won't submit
I am gifted
I am all of this
and indeed the Shit
Clearly I am not just an ass
It's such a powerful poem. It speaks the very words of my own heart. Every woman is more than her curves. There are untold stories of war and peace, sadness and joy, cowardice and boldness, failures and triumphs behind every woman. We are all more than our curves.
Thursday, 22 September 2011
Too Blessed To Be Stressed
So this morning as I was walking to campus and stressing about school work and the money that I need for the trip that my friends have planned to the annual Springbreak at Suncity and all that jazz, Jill Scott's jam 'Blessed' came on. My word the power of music hey, its remarkable! I don't think I'll ever get used to the fact that music has the capability to change the way you think and feel. It was in those 3 minutes of hearing that song that I decided to stop worrying and let things fall into place. I'm blessed and worrying about all these trivial things is a waste of time. Just waking up and being able to listen to my music is a blessing in itself.
When I listened to the song over again it also made me realise something else. No matter how you feel, there is something that you love and makes your heart smile. Aah the love that the human heart is capable of giving. In the song Scott goes on to talk about how yes trouble will come along and all that but we endure and move along swiftly. "Sometimes you gotta work and you gotta grow and it gotta hurt, I'm sure you'll know take a look around" this line just makes me wanna slap myself for always worrying and expecting all to go smoothly...I'm BLESSED and all will fall into its place.
When I listened to the song over again it also made me realise something else. No matter how you feel, there is something that you love and makes your heart smile. Aah the love that the human heart is capable of giving. In the song Scott goes on to talk about how yes trouble will come along and all that but we endure and move along swiftly. "Sometimes you gotta work and you gotta grow and it gotta hurt, I'm sure you'll know take a look around" this line just makes me wanna slap myself for always worrying and expecting all to go smoothly...I'm BLESSED and all will fall into its place.
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