Its the morning of my mother's birthday, I'm at my study desk supposed to be hard in the books but all that I can manage to think about is my tiny little broken heart and how it was so ruthlessly broken.
Like a worthless 5 cent coin one would toss in a pond passing the time of a boring afternoon.
My tiny little heart, how he had no regard of the emotions it just might go through as the repercussions of his actions. My forgotten little heart, he promised to never screw me over. But oh he screwed me over alright, hard at that. My tiny little heart, you're so shattered, how am I ever gonna fix you?! I can't gather all the pieces that belong to you, they're scattered all over with memories spent with him. Precious moments spent loving his admirable soul. Unique in its own right. How am I ever going to get the rest of me from him. He took his love away and here I sit, crying my eyes out over how I actually hadn't grasped the magnitude of the love that I had for the man. It was well over infatuation that which I was feeling for him, it had so beautifully matured into full blown love. It stood in its splendour everytime we shared our time together. So authentic, full of tomorrow. Hh'mm no use crying over spilt milk they say, but the sweet taste of love's nectar is worth seas of my tears. More especially love for a man I so very much adore. For you I will cry a river my sweet because even if you did me so undoubtedly wrong I just can't lie to myself and say I don't love you anymore. I've told you before and I'm saying it again. I don't believe I can stop loving someone, yes they might hurt me or I them and be out of each others lives but that doesn't mean I don't love themanymore.
You were so cold. Friends you suggested. I cannot lie to myself and pretend to enjoy our companionship as merely friends whereas I am still deeply in love with you. I cannot help but question if there was any truth in your words when your uttered "I love you". Repeatedly you said it to me, made me beleive it, brought me to understand it, you immersed me in your words. Was it all in a "plan" to come back and make a mockery of the love I had develpoed for you? Make her love you then turn around switch the tables on her?
I miss you, terribly so. Not a single day passes by without thinking of you. Memories of our laughter together raid my mind. Healing this broken heart of mine is going to take longer than I had thought. For as long as your face is visible in my mind and I am unable to stop these thoughts, like a broken record they will keep playing. Over and over again with each cleaer than the former. I still needed you. My emotional stability I cannot gurantee to myself. As if already I wasn't emotionally off track.
We had a good thing going, as to what happened and how it happenned is all too hazy for me to try and break down for my own comprehension. All these questions taunt me in more ways than one. I don't know if its fear of rejection or whether its the fact that this is too deep a heartache for me to "investigate" the routes of how I got to be here but I wanna pick the phone up and call you yet I just can't bring myself to. I'm badly hung up on you...need to find my way out of this dark hole soon!!
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