Relationships look a whole lot different from the outside-in. I always thought that people were exaggerating when they said that 'new love takes time and dedicaton'. I found it quite ridiculous to say that love needs time. In my head I thought that all things just fall into place when two people are together and love each other. But little did I know how they were so on point. They who had been in love before knew exactly what they were talking about.
Disregarding all the previous talks I've had with the people in my life I went on on my own tangent and fell in love. Yep, the typical 'I met a boy and I liked him' saga. Now if you know me well you'll know that I've never been one to entertain the idea of a relationship, never mind falling in love. I've always just thought that this dating thing was for girly girls and I just wasn't the kind of girl to stare into a partner's eyes and have my breath taken away. That sort of thing was just never for me, or so I thought . But there I was, January of 2012 and I was taken by this boy I had gotten to be "in strong like" with. That was my way of avoiding to use the 'L' word.
I met a boy and boy did he charm the socks off of me or what?! I wanted to keep him all to myself, I fell in love with his personality. He was the kind of dude I could hang with all day and never be bored. And so inevitably we became friends, talked to him almost everyday but never in my head did the thought of love cross my mind. And even if it might have I dismissed it completely until he was the first to come forth and profess his love for me.
And so with him having said that he loves me, never did I feel the pressure to say "I love you" whenever he said it. He never rushed met into something he could so blatantly see I wasn't ready for. He was a sweetheart like that. And so a month went by and I had really fallen for this dude, I'm talking heart, body and soul were all saying yes to this new light of joy in my life. Before I knew it, I found myself uttering the words "I love you" to him and I meant each and every word.
I remember talking to a friend of mine telling her how I don't think I should be in this but I couldn't help what I was feeling. All the emotions were real.
And so me and this boy had a good thing going for a while, things were great. Not perfect but simply great. With me being in such a heartfelt and real relationship for the very first time, I was the one who was always in the wrong. I was doing it all wrong. I didn't love him the way he wanted to be loved. I always missed important things, and because I loved him so much I told him to be patient with me. I promised him I'll do it right, I'll love him right, pay attention to the little things. I wanted to please him. I was so wholeheartedly ready to change me if it meant I got to keep him.
I fell in love with us, I loved us. We really did have a great thing going on. Us being in a long distance relationship wasn't such a major hiccup, we handled it quite well actually.
But with young and evidently not so mature love comes a heartbreak. I mean what the heck did I expect?? It was my first real relationship, happy ever afters don't exist in this day and age, well at least for the first timers. In a very harsh and painful way I quickly came to realise that he wasn't my "happy ever after" but rather my "one upon time". Not all things that come together stay together, yes I still love him. Very much so actually, but oh well the walls of Jericho came crashing down but I'm still here. Now I know I'm not the heartless biatch I thought I was towards men. This heart is penetrable, I just happened to have allowed it to the wrong somebody. Life goes on, we live and we learn and now I know better.
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