I Am More Than My Curves

It has come to my attention that my curves have come to be a huge part of my identity. The boys and men identify me with them. This is something I find rather weird because I know and have seen women with much bigger curves. Without even going far, my mother is one of them, a very curvy woman this. But I didn't take much from her because I don a very petite frame (I'm a size 8/32 on the bottom and a 10/34 up top) compared to my other voluptuous black sisters.

I wonder if I would know the people I know if t wasn't for my curves. Would I be loved in the same way if it weren't for my curves? Would that guy that claimed to have wanted me so bad still have wanted me if I didn't have my curves? Would I walk with the same spring in my step if I didn't have my curves?
There is more to me than my curves! Why do you fail to see past my curves? Do I myself fail to see past my curves?

I saw this painting today as I was browsing on the net.

African Dancers by Upjohn

This painting reminded me of Jill Scott's poem 'Womanifesto':

Clearly I am not a fat ass

I am active brain

and lip smacking peach deep

sometimes too aggressive in its honesty

and heart sweet

that loves wholly and completely

whom it may choose

whom ever it may choose

I am not gonna lie and pacify

I am arms to hold

I am lips to speak

I am a motherfucking "G"

Strong legs that stroll off the 33 bus

or out of a money green Phantom comfortably

Knees that bend to pray

clean from Ajax washings

hair that is thick and soft

Thighs that be-twixt

an amazing all expense grand prize

I am eyes that sing

smile that brightens

touch that rings

and supplies euphoric release

I am a Grand Dame Queen Beast

I am warm

I am peace

From the roads of Botswana from 23rd Street

From the inside third eye

ever watching this wicked wicked system of things

I do see

I am friend to pen

and a lover of strong women

A Diamond to men

I am curious and interested like children

I welcome the wise to teach

appreciator of my culture

Thick not just from bone dense and eat

I have a rhythm in my ways

and a practice in my seek

and yes I do crave the rhythm of my space

with a man that rejoices in God's Grace

with faith I do hear to listen

two hands that fist

when forced pushes to shove

and your ego won't submit

I am gifted

I am all of this

and indeed the Shit

Clearly I am not just an ass





It's such a powerful poem. It speaks the very words of my own heart. Every woman is more than her curves. There are untold stories of war and peace, sadness and joy, cowardice and boldness, failures and triumphs behind every woman. We are all more than our curves.

Too Blessed To Be Stressed

So this morning as I was walking to campus and stressing about school work and the money that I need for the trip that my friends have planned to the annual Springbreak at Suncity and all that jazz, Jill Scott's jam 'Blessed' came on. My word the power of music hey, its remarkable! I don't think I'll ever get used to the fact that music has the capability to change the way you think and feel. It was in those 3 minutes of hearing that song that I decided to stop worrying and let things fall into place. I'm blessed and worrying about all these trivial things is a waste of time. Just waking up and being able to listen to my music is a blessing in itself.

When I listened to the song over again it also made me realise something else. No matter how you feel, there is something that you love and makes your heart smile. Aah the love that the human heart is capable of giving. In the song Scott goes on to talk about how yes trouble will come along and all that but we endure and move along swiftly. "Sometimes you gotta work and you gotta grow and it gotta hurt, I'm sure you'll know take a look around" this line just makes me wanna slap myself for always worrying and expecting all to go smoothly...I'm BLESSED and all will fall into its place.

I'm Alright By Myself...Until Further Notice

Recently I told myself that I will not be engaging with the opposite sex for a number of reasons of which I think are kind-of-sort-of valid. The thing is when I look back at history (which is a very short history because I'm only 20) there has always been a man in my life. Whether he was a boyfriend, a friend, a part-time lover or just a mere crush, there is no denying that there has always been and is a man in my life. Furthermore, my inability to stay in a long-term relationship is not making it any better, but instead just increasing the number of men in my life. Can I just breathe!!
It seems like everyone around me is out to be with someone. The pressure from society to have a significant other is almost unbearable. Nearly all my friends are in serious relationships, one of my close cousins is determined to stay with her current boyfriend and make it last and of course not forgetting my mother who raised me single, has been single all her life (with a lil somebody here and there) but now the idea of dying "alone" doesn't sit so well with her anymore. Just my luck right? When I decide to be single and fabulous, I suddenly have no one to be so with. But all is well, this is yet again a decision I'm making for my own sanity and happiness.
Don't get me wrong, I have no qualm none whatsoever with men. Lord knows I appreciate the Adams in my life. They've all contributed a great deal to the woman that I am to today. I just need my breath of fresh air, spend more time with me and nurture my ever so curious spirit. I want my very own identity to be established. I want to be known as Mary-Anne, a lady in her own right and not Mary-Anne whoever's girlfriend, sidekick, kept woman or something of that sort. I wanna be me, do me and love me for a change.
Can I just Be Alright By Myself for a turnaround?!
As I was preparing for bed last night, very busy and caught up in getting my room clean so that I could get my 8 hour sleep, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My word I saw myself in a whole new light. I saw a very happy woman, glowing all the way from inside. Content with all the she is. I smiled at myself and thought that this has to be the best decision I have made to date. I had started to doubt that maybe this wasn't the right thing to do for a girl who's only 20, but after what I saw in the mirror last night I just knew that I had made the right call to my 'innerness'.
It's been about a week or so having made this decision, and I'm quite pleased with the amount of time I have allocated to doing things that make me smile at the time that I want. Some may say it's too early to say if I'm liking this or not but it's actually quite alright. I don't plan on making this a lifetime thing. Like I said, I'm alright by myself...until further notice.

Introductory Offering

So after months and months of playing with the idea of blogging, I finally did it. I started my very own blog. I haven't told any of my friends or family as yet. It'll probably come as a shock to them that I want to put my thoughts out there and let them be known to the world, or they just might not even be shocked. According to friends and family I've got a very loud personaly, but I beg to differ, tremendously even. I'm a vey quiet person, it's only around them, the people I know, that I'm loud and crazy. But otherwise I keep to myself.
Eitherway, the perceived extrovert or not, I don't plan on telling them. Should they find out, that's great and should this remain unknown to them, it's still just fine by me.
Gosh I'm in love with my blog already. Here's to the future *as I give myself a tight squeeze* hehehe totally animated about this!!!!