The Trivial Drama I Bring

Been doing a lot of introspection lately and I've come to realise that I'm THAAAAT friend!!!! That girl who in all honesty you don't want in your life because all that she ever brings is draaama! I hate to admit it but truth be told I am that girl.
I've just realised that in this year alone I've had so much drama to deal with and my friends always get dragged into it somehow. I would have loved to deal with it alone but because I don't live alone on my own planet where nobody cares about me, my friends and family just happen to end up in all my menial drama. Here's the thing with me, when I'm going through whatever ish I might be going through I don't want anyone around me, don't want their love, care, support, sympathy, NOTHING. I want nothing at all from anyone. And people never seem to get that its how I deal with my problems. And because people are different I come off as a troubled soul (which I kinda-sorta am). And naturally, in life you WILL  go through more than one testing time, we are faced with challenges everyday. So what does that mean for me? I'm always needing time alone.
So here's what I'm getting at, I just feel like I'm tiring to deal with. Actually I am. Obviously people won't be straight out and tell it to me, all in the name of being polite (but I know a few who would, given the chance). I think that being a friend to me is a tedious act and folk will, if not already, grow weary of always chasing me, trying to find out if I'm okay and fixing the relations I have with them because it always seems to happen time and time again. And you know what? I get it, I completely understand if people are tired of me. Shit I'd be tired of me if I was a friend to myself.
But on the contrary a part of me finds it unfair that I should think and feel for my friend and loved ones. Shutting them out without giving them a chance to voice out their thoughts and opinions isn't a reflection of the relations I have with them. Its an unreasonable dismisal. But my essential self finds it okay. Seeing to the fact that I'm a socially incapable girl, it makes sense to do in MY head.
I'm just saying, I won't and will not be shocked when I wake up tomorrow and I don't have any friends because I'm such a 'dramaful' person. I don't expect people to always be there for me and I don't expect them to understand. We can't all be figured out and you know what...I'm absolutely fine with that. I doesn't sadden me or anything because I know  the kind of person I am. I know my innermost thoughts, I'm the one that has to go to sleep with my personality and problems and I cannot expect another being to fully comprehend the person that I am. That's God's responsibility. And with that being said, I wouldn't mind waking up in a completely new place, where nobody knows anything about me but that which would be coming from my mouth. Nobody to explain myself to, nobody who cares about me, just new faces and a future to look forward to. Now that would be a dream I'd give my left pinkie for.

The Perfect Stranger

As of the 13th of October I can strongly and confidently say "I am not in the path that I'm supposed to be in". So on this very random and super chilled Saturday I met the perfect stranger. God sent is how I've made meaning of me meeting with this person. So on that Saturday, after two days of partying hard, I went to a nearby pub. I had just gotten my hair done and I decided let me stop there to get myself a drink and head home. I walked in with no expectations none whatsoever of talking nor meeting someone. I just needed some time alone to think my life through and decide where to from there. I was, and still am, going through a very deep time of self-introspection. Wanting to find out what I want to do with my life. Whether I want to continue with my studies or drop out and continue via a long distance learning institute. And with me thinking this through, in walked this guy who would point me in the right direction. He said hi and me being in my own little world unsuspectectly said hi back. Fast foward to about 15 min later and I'm over at his table talking about him, his line of work and how he got there.
Never in my life have ever had someone speak the very words that my soul needs to hear. This guy, who no longer was a stranger but what is my eyes a heaven sent being told me how he left the life that he had planned and started going towards the life that he was meant to live. He followed his heart. And I being the free spirit that I know I am was so intrigued. We had a very lengthy chat about feeling like you're bound in chains when you don't heed to what you're feeling inside.
I remember reading this one quote that said "As I unclutter my life, I free myself to answer the callings of my soul." And this quote has since stuck with me, the core meaning to it finally makes absolute sense to me. When you dont heed to the calling of your soul it feels like time wasted and talent untapped. Its all still a bit unclear as to what it is exactly I want to do but I know that right now I'm in the wrong line of "work" so to speak.
So me and this guy went on to my place to chill, we didn't want the day to end. It felt like me and him had known each other for years. I enjoyed the music he liked and vise versa. And oh was this a great time or what, I remember listening to a few hip hop songs and he was shocked at how I knew and loved that much hip hop. When we stoped talking (which was for a few moments) it felt like the music carried on our conversation. The one song that I remember carrying a lot of weight to our talk was The Fire by The Roots ft. John Legend. This song speaks volumes to what I'm feeling, the chorus goes "There's something in your heart, and it's in your eyes. It's the fire, inside you. Let it burn. You don't say good luck, You say don't give up. It's the fire, inside you. Let it burn." For me this song resognated the part of me that so badly wants to take a shot at the burning sensation I get in my chest when I think of doing all the things that make me happy. It also touches on pieces of me that want to just carry on with the 'normal' route and quit all this happy thinking.
Everything happens for a reason and this doesn't exclude my perfect stranger. I beleive I met him to nudge me in the direction of pushing forth my dreams and desires. I might have given up and thought all this to be madness but I sure as heaven won't forget my meeting with this amazing brother man.